Owning my shit?

Well just when I thought you really wanted to talk about serious things, and be a mother to your special needs, handicapped child, I end up getting nothing but frustrations, and blamed for your choices. You say I can do this and that because I have money, and your right some things you can do with money like buy a lawyer, and see a judge. You brought up a good point today when you reminded me about how you murdered me or my sons unborn baby, and now once again I have to ask how can you be OK with MURDERING a unborn child regardless of who it belonged to and still make excuses for it. If it is all medical like you claim then why not prove it to me with documentation? You make me prove things all the time. I don’t even know how you sleep at night knowing you murdered a unborn baby, that was perfectly healthy. You only see your child for a hour today knowing you could of spent three hours with her, and your more interested in the FUCK BOY, and messaging him then playing with your kid! Then you ask me if I am going to keep her away from you over and over again when you see the frustration in my eyes? You can’t even demonstrate that you want to spend time with her and gave up only after a hour! Why do I want to keep letting you hurt her by neglecting her over a dude? I’ve been taking care of her for months, and I can do it again without a care in the world, your money, or anything else from you. I can find another women she can call mommy! Lets see how long it takes you to realize that! I never gave up on her like you do, and never will. Your the one that runs and hides and lies to make yourself look better to people that aren’t even involved when the conversation gets serious. Like I thought when you left that we were ok, and even messaged you about finishing our talk. Instead I find myself backing up the camera footage to shoe people how our kid really feels about you. Lets ask your other child’s father, and see what he has to say about what you do to your other child emotionally as well. I’m sure everyone would see that him, and I, are in the same club when it comes to you. To top it off according to you I am a bad person because I don’t want you taking a trach baby outside in 100 degree to a pizza shop during a pandemic where she could be seriously harmed from the heat or a virus? It’s not my fault you put yourself with a FUCK BOY that has a extensive history of convictions that would no judge is going to allow around MY precious daughter, and can’t take her to your apartment. Once again, if you would of just taken the time to speak to me about this, maybe I would of felt more comfortable about things and wouldn’t be here blogging my feelings for everyone to see. Also the reason our baby doesn’t want you around her and smacks you away, and reaches our for me is because she doesn’t know you anymore. I’ve been there for everything, the doctors, the surgeries, and you haven’t. I couldn’t even get you to come down and help me get her home from the Children’s Hospital, because you were to busy or weren’t allowed. I had to ask someone else for help. Today was a perfect example or how much you really care, about anyone’s feelings. Just like I am there more for your first child then you are, but we can’t talk about how one child is more important then the other one can we? I mean you don’t even call him or see him. He’s getting smart and is realizing it just like my precious baby is and shes only three! I would love to make things good between us for her sake, but your ignorance is preventing it, and once again I will put my money where my mouth is if forced too so go ahead and try me. If you don’t want to make things right for her, and by that it doesn’t mean I want you back, then that is fine, just tell me and I’ll find her a better mommy. All I want is for you to take responsibility for what you’ve done to her, and stop blaming things on me to everyone’s penis you come into contact with, How would you like it if I went around and told everyone about all the drugs, or drinking that you did while you were pregnant? Why do you think she was born at 24 weeks? I asked you today if you had to make a choice between the FUCK BOY or your daughter, and the absence of your answer said it all. I believe that would choose the FUCK BOY over your kids any day. Remember actions speak louder then words… Wasn’t that one of my favorite sayings? Looks like I am the one stepping up to the plate when it comes to this one. I really do pity you. Maybe one day you will do whats right for both your children.